Small Joys

This week seems to be going by so slowly for me. Well, if you're really not looking forward to Christmas, time conspires with it to make you feel every second, every grind, every buildup to the actual day itself. So I immerse myself with crafting, exercising and chore-doing these days. If not, I'll be biting my nails in sheer anxiety. Sometimes I find myself unconsciously pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

Good thing my body combat class at the Y works great in getting that pent up emotions out. Yoga is on the back burner for now because I needed something that will get my heart rate up and get my body moving and tired. I'm also doing a lot of household chores lately, perhaps six months' worth! I guess getting them done now will put me ahead of my homeland's tradition.

Back home, cleaning the house before the year ends is believed to ensure that the new year is a clean, healthy and lucky one. It's a Chinese influence. I don't really subscribe to it, but it's ingrained in my bones and so I do it anyway. Given how this year turned out for most of us, BLMs, I could use all the luck I could get for 2011.

Anyway, we finally decorated the Christmas tree despite days of procrastination. I had to put my foot down regarding the ornaments though. My husband is with the-more-ornaments-on-the-tree-the-better camp. He likes a tree teeming with ornaments of various shapes and sizes, while I wanted a minimalistic look - not too overwhelmingly cheerful and in-your-face.

I know the tree is for Kai, but it only alleviates just a little the painful reality that he's not here with us. This year's Christmas will be a subdued affair for us - a quiet time to honor and remember our son. But I did let my husband put up lights around the tree. For some reason, looking at the blinking lights give me comfort. So I keep the lights on longer than usual every night. Sometimes I turn it on during the day when I'm home.

My husband and I decided not to buy each other Christmas gifts this year. Instead we bought ornaments for Kai that we would give to each other. Dave found the glass ornament with Kai's initial on it while I gave him the picture ornament. It was the only fun thing we did as we shopped in the mall - hunting the right ornaments for each other with our son in our thoughts. We'll definitely do this again next year.

These ornaments are sent to us by family and friends. Two angels, a Hallmark seashell and Dr. Seuss' Fish in a Pot.

 Ornaments I received from Jenni's Remembering Together: 2010 Holiday Ornament Swap. Thanks to Brianna and Heather.

Stockings by our fireplace - everyone in our family has one. Oh okay, Tobi, Momo and Mina have only that teensy weensy pet stocking. Heh. Thanks Rhiannon for Kai's name card.

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Happiness is a form of courage. - Holbrook Jackson

I don't have that right now. But I'm thankful for the small joys and for the people who sent loving thoughts our way. Thank you, dear mamas, for remembering Kai with us this holiday season. Your love, your thoughts, your support, they all give us the strength to continue seeking courage.