When I was alone in the car, I cried my eyes out. This fucking world I live in now sucks. It just sucks.
3 Rich Chickens Slot from Onlyplay
4 days ago
10 September 2010
Sad Ornaments
I went to CVS to get my husband's prescription today. I didn't want to go back for it so I opted to wait. I roamed the store and saw some Hallmark Christmas ornaments. These ones made me extremely sad. I thought: we would never have a first Christmas with Kai. Ever. It would have been nice if one of these will adorn our tree and have him with us. Alive and well. It would have been a wonderful holiday. But at that moment, I felt like I was punched in the heart. I fought back tears. It was a good thing I was wearing sunglasses.
When I was alone in the car, I cried my eyes out. This fucking world I live in now sucks. It just sucks.
When I was alone in the car, I cried my eyes out. This fucking world I live in now sucks. It just sucks.
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6 comments:
Oh, Jennifer...I'm so sorry. Those are triggers that will hurt this year.... maybe find another ornament that you want to get in honor of Kai. It may help honor and remember him...and give you some peace knowing he will have something at Christmas.
That's such a rough trigger. I always hate seeing those! With our three, we've chosen an ornament that seemed fitting to them so that they still have one. With Livy, we opted for a Willow Tree Angel ornament where she's holding a little heart. Maybe something themed around the ocean would be perfect for Kai?
Oh I'm so sorry...those triggers are awful aren't they?! and I hate how they hit you when you're not expecting them. I love the idea the others had about getting an ornament in honor of Kai.
hallmark's "superbaby" ornament came out for christmas '08, and we bought it right away and stashed it away; didn't put it on the tree that year. at that time we were unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant (it was a month later that we had our initial consultation w/ the fertility clinic)
christmas '09 we proudly hung the ornament on our tree and from then on referred to kenny as "superbaby." this summer when hallmark's "dream book" came out premiering this year's ornaments, i flipped through it and burst into tears when i saw the "baby's first christmas" ones. were kenny here to celebrate his first christmas, we probably would have bought all of them.
i have since wondered if we would hang the superbaby ornament again this year. but we will - it will be the only way in which kenny is with us for the holiday.
when we registered at babies r us, we even strolled through the infant toy aisle, talking about what toys we would like to buy kenny for his first christmas. you are so right. this simply SUCKS. our boys deserve to be here with us.
I am so afraid of the holidays. I fear that the triggers are only going to get worse. I am so sorry that you won't have Kai's first Christmas the way it should have been. I too really like the idea of an ornament for Kai. He may not be there physically but his presence is always with you. My thoughts are with you.
This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you came across these ornaments, what an awful trigger. I have a feeling there will be so many in the coming months with all the holidays.
I am one of those people who buys a special ornament every year, sometimes more than one. And even though Harper is not physically with us, we are still planning on buying her an ornament this year.
It sucks and I just wish we all had our babies here with us and that we didn't have all of these seemingly normal things to trigger us. Harper and Kai will always be in our hearts. Thinking of you and your sweet boy.
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