Interaction

I think my social skills have reached an all-time low after the loss of Kai. (Well, they weren't all that great in the first place.) Last night, for instance, when my husband and I took Tobi out for a walk, we passed by our next door neighbor. She's a divorced mother of grown kids and has been living alone. We don't see her out too often. Sometimes, she and my husband would take out the garbage cans at the same time and they would wave at each other, exchange greetings or have a little chat. We've also exchanged emails with her about once or twice regarding our shared fence. But most of the time, she keeps to herself.

Anyway, Tobi can be such an overeager hound when it comes to our walks (he always think that we're out to hunt for wabbits). I had him on a leash but he was pulling so hard and quick that we left my slow-poke husband behind. I passed by our neighbor's house and I saw her on the driveway. I said "Good evening" to her and she stopped what she was doing and said, "Oh hello, I didn't recognize you." I just smiled, nodded and moved on a bit because Tobi was impatiently tugging on his leash. I lingered and waited for my husband. But he got stopped by said neighbor. I was a little ways off. But I overheard what they were talking about.

Our neighbor doesn't really socialize much in our neighborhood, so I had a hunch that she didn't know we lost Kai. She asked my husband, "Oh how was the baby?" I cringed inside. My poor husband, caught unaware by such a horrible question. But I couldn't help him. I didn't want to go back there and say anything. It is what it is. So I waited within earshot. I heard our neighbor said how sorry she was and mentioned in passing that she knows that kind of loss. I looked at her, a bit surprised at her casual revelation. I gave her a grateful smile but I didn't know if she saw me or not. I stayed rooted on the spot, keeping the dog company. Then she told my husband, "You'll have another."

And that was the time I decided to go on ahead and leave my husband there in that driveway. Tobi didn't give me a choice anyway. He got excited when he found an interesting scent and practically pulled me with him. I didn't look back. I knew my husband would catchup to us eventually. As I walked away, I kept thinking if I could've handled that situation differently. That maybe I should've come up to our neighbor and given her a hug or let myself receive her hug. Or maybe stayed for a bit and talked about Kai and maybe learn more about her own loss.

But like I said, I've got poor social skills. And my sense of congeniality has been out of whack. I know I have more compassion and empathy for people who've experienced a loss. But this grief is new to me, I've been dealing with it the best I could. And I don't know how to handle it with other people. I'm literally at a loss about how to feel or on what to do and what to say. There are times I feel awkward, unsure and totally inept. In other times, I choose to just remain silent and distant.

My husband finally caught up with me and the dog. He gave me a quick hug. "What was that for?" I asked. "M said to hug you for her." he said gently. I should thank her as soon as I get my social skills back.