A Service to Remember

The Service of Remembrance went well last Sunday. It was a very solemn gathering under majestic redwood trees. The grove where the event was going to be held was tucked away in Sanborn Park, which was a little ways off the main road. The park entrance was dotted with redwood trees so straight and tall, you'll wonder if they're trying to reach for the sky.

The parking lot was already full of cars when we got there and I thought for a minute that we're already late. But I was relieved when I saw people walking toward the grove and still mingling about. We signed up at the reception desk and were handed some 'keepsakes'.  These include: the program, a heart-shaped polystone box with an angel holding a baby, a white candle and two flower pins with Kai's name on it.

'What nice gifts to remember this event by,' I thought. A few people commented on our iamtheface t-shirts and I got to explain the website and the purpose of the campaign to them. It feels good to do a small part in spreading the word about pregnancy and infant loss. One of the facilitators in our support group immediately recognized the 1 out of 2000 statistics and she said she's glad that more and more bereaved mothers are telling their stories out in the open.

We found seats and waited for the ceremony to start. The music and the poetry readings were all so heartfelt and touching. My husband and I can't help but silently cry in the background. There is something about being among the redwoods and nature in general that makes me feel so spiritually moved.

It was as if we were on sacred grounds and that our thoughts, our love, our fervent prayers for our lost children echoed, reverberated or even magnified on the earth, in the air, among the leaves, among the wildlife existing there. And eventhough I was cold under the trees, an invisible warmth filled me. Was it my son's spirit? I really don't know. But that feeling of warmth, I will keep it in my heart along with the memories I have for my son.

After the music and poetry, they started reading the names of our babies. I waited patiently for Kai's name to be called. I had the presence of mind to put my camera on video mode so I can record everything. When they finally read his name, I looked up in the afternoon sky, which was so bright and blue it reminded me of the time Kai was born, and I whispered in my mind, "We will always remember you, Kai."

Then, white doves were released. While some may think that white dove releases are more appropriate in weddings, I kind of like the idea of it as a closing gesture for this ceremony. White doves have long been recognized universally as a symbol of peace and goodwill. It's a true hope for the future - a future of peace. But it also stands for unending love.

As bereaved parents, we will always carry a never ending love for the children we lost. And it is because of this love, so big and so powerful, that we will never EVER forget.

----

Here are some more pics from the event:

The stage. I think we sat too far from it.

One of the parents, holding a portrait of his baby daughter who passed away last month.

Event aftermath. Volunteers cleaning up the tables.

HAND memorial quilts made by parents for their lost babies.

This is yours truly, wearing my memorial shirt for Kai. I had my hair cut short a week before. I felt I needed a change.

The Simes family. Underneath those sunglasses are tear-stained eyes.

With my kind and lovely midwife, Tenaya.

Of course, mamas I didn't forget your babies. I brought my own paper 'remembrance quilt' of all the baby names I wrote
and took pictures of, so far. They were all there under the redwoods with us, being remembered and honored.
Kai's wonderful posse!