A Quiet Sunday

My husband and I spent a quiet Sunday, walking in our downtown area. As a couple, we've always enjoyed these little trips. We haven't gone on such trips after Kai died. But yesterday, we decided to just go. Surprisingly, we enjoyed ourselves despite the baby-toting crowd.

Of course, we did the usual things we do in these outings. Eat. Walk. Browse some shops. Walk some more. Eat again. My husband was craving for Japanese ramen. So we went into an out-of-the-way ramen place we found on Yelp.com. (We tend to rely on this website if we want to try out new places to eat. I know it's a hit-or-miss kind of thing but we're foolhardy that way. Heh.) When I was pregnant with Kai I could polish off this big bowl. I would say, "I'm stuffed," to which my husband would reply, "Yeah, you look like it. For months now." I rolled my eyes on that one. It felt strange to remember without breaking down and crying. But we can calmly recall it now. Still with sadness but fondly.
 

After stuffing ourselves with huge bowls of noodles, we walked in search of a dessert place. We didn't have to walk far when we found Verde Tea Cafe and got cheesecake and taro milk tea with little gelatin squares. The place was full of teenagers, which was a good thing. I'd rather be there than in one of the family-friendly eateries replete with moms and babies. (I know they're not everywhere and they're not following me, but I seem to have acquired the ability to be acutely aware of them in places I go. Same goes with pregnant women. *sigh*)

We stopped by a used book store and completely lost ourselves in the shelves upon shelves of books. The store was packed from floor to ceiling with different kinds of secondhand books. It even has a section filled with vinyl records. So we spent most of our time there just browsing through myriads of books. I came across a hallway with walls filled with pregnancy, parenting, taking-care-of-baby books on both sides, from floor to ceiling. I almost suffocated. It's not easy to be reminded of stuffs that I was supposed to be and no longer am. I retreated to the biographies section. But I went back there after a few minutes. I needed to check if that section has books on babyloss. It took me a while to find it, but there it was up on the very top shelf of one wall generally labeled 'Miscarriage.' It got me thinking, 'Yeah, a pregnant woman (who hasn't lost a baby before) wouldn't read those books, so it's sensible that they are up there.' And only women like me would ever attempt to step on a ladder to get to those books.

After the bookstore, we dropped by a church. The service was over but we stayed for a while.

And we lighted candles for Kai and for all the lost babies and their mamas.