For Kai and all his angel friends. I am thinking of you and your angel babies today. May our Christmas be full of peace, love and warm thoughts for our lost children. Hold them close to your hearts, embrace them and send them love.
Dear Kai,
We hope your Christmas is one wonderful celebration. We know you don't need gifts or material things anymore, my darling, but we would like to send you a lot of love. We wish my actual hugs and kisses would reach you. But instead, we would open our hearts to celebrate a peaceful and meaningful Christmas this year. Mommy can't promise that the tears won't come because every time this holiday rolls in, our fervent wish is always the same - we wish that you were here with us.
My husband and I were once on a happy journey that turned tragic in an instant. Our beloved son, Kai, was born still on June 16, 2010 at 41 weeks. This is us, the ones who are left behind, grieving our loss. This is me, trying to find solace amid sorrow and despair.
After a year or so, we braved another journey. It wasn't an easy one. In fact, it was fraught with constant fear and worry. We were hopeful but guarded, joyous but expecting nothing lest this new journey turned into another tragedy. But on April 27, 2012, we welcomed our second son and Kai's little brother, Kian, into the world. I wish I could say that his birth had erased all traces of our grief over the loss of Kai. But that wouldn't be truthful, the grief will always be with us as we navigate through parenting our precious second son. Yet, there is healing, the kind that embraces one's broken heart and embittered soul. The kind that urges us to live in honor of Kai and to think of him with love. Always with love.
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