Seventeen

Dear Kai,

How have you been, my dear boy? I hope you're keeping warm in this cold weather while making snowflakes and raindrops and rainbows. That would surely be a lot of fun. As for Daddy and I, we're doing well. You are always in our thoughts, ever wondering what you're up to,  how have you grown in the last year and what you would look like now.

I've lighted a candle for you in your corner today. I haven't decorated your corner for the Christmas holidays because your daddy frowns upon Christmas decor put in place before Thanksgiving. He actually complains about them when he sees them in stores nowadays.

I jokingly tested his disdain when I asked if we could put up Christmas lights early this month. And you know what he said, "Nope. No Christmas decor in November please. We must wait after Thanksgiving is over to do that." Yup, daddy is quite serious about his Christmas decor timeline. I had to laugh about it. I guess I'll just have to place your Christmas goodies next month or as soon as Thanksgiving Day is over. So as not to 'offend' daddy's sensibilities.

I hope Mina has learned to love the water. I'm sure she's bound to take to it when you bring her along in your adventures. Did I tell you we got a new dog? Well, I guess this new dog found us. He just showed up one day in our backyard and we really didn't know how he got into our fenced yard. So we called him, The Dog who Fell from the Sky.

He and Tobi got along really well. They're both short in stature and enjoyed each other's company most of the time. Although, they get into spats now and then when they rough play. I guess being both male dogs can bring on their dominant side. (But don't worry, mommy is rather quick to stop these fights with a hose and cold water. Yup, I show them who's the Alpha around here.)

We didn't bring him to the shelter because they might put him to sleep if no one comes and claims him. But we filed a lost report. Daddy even posted fliers around our neighborhood. But nobody called or came for him. The poor puppy. The shelter said if we want to keep him, we could. We just have to pay his city license. So we decided to keep him and named him, Totoro. But we call him Toto for short. You know what, he looks like a fox. I told daddy, "Well what do you know, we now have a fox and a hound." And he agreed wholeheartedly.

There are a lot of things I want to tell you today. But I think you already know some of them since I talk to you in my heart every day. I've been missing you a lot lately, which is not new I know. But that's just how mommies are wired, I suppose. Did you see the white doves flying at the Service of Remembrance this year? They flew really high this time, above the tall redwood trees even. It was a lovely ceremony and we got to see the quilt square I made for you on public display.

You know, I thought at first I have to struggle to feel connected to you, that I might lose you altogether when my grief subsides or as time passes. But I realized now it will never happen. You're a part of me and I'm a part of you whether you're near or far, here or not here. And that's the absolute truth. Even if years pass by, even if hope and joy ease my grief, even if my mind and body deteriorate with age and disease. The connection we have will always remain and endure a hundred, no, a million lifetimes.

I love you forever and ever, my dear one.

Mommy