January

Lots of things happening this month. Wisdom teeth extraction this Friday. My husband's birthday a week from now. Kai's 7-month angelversary three days after that. A perinatologist appointment at Stanford the following week. Then my birthday. 

January has always been a month that quickly passes by for me. It's like a fog - it stays, lingers for while, disorients you a little, gives you zero visibility and then lifts just in time to transition to February. I don't know what we'll do for our birthdays, the hubby has not said anything about it. I'm more focused at the prospect of getting a swollen face this Friday and the days after, so I'm not thinking about it. Yet.

The wisdom teeth extraction is a procedure I've put off when I was pregnant with Kai. They weren't a problem during my pregnancy but I did had earaches on the later part of it, which my dentist attributed to these teeth. Now they have to go. All frakkin' four of them. Ouch!

While we were looking at my x-ray, the oral surgeon saw it fit to give me the I-told-you-so-attitude, "See, this is why wisdom teeth should be taken out at the age of fifteen." To which I replied, "Gee, that's nice to know. But these teeth came out when I was in my mid-twenties." (Yes, I'm a mutant. Shhhhh.)

As for the perinatologist appointment, I don't know what to expect. The staff at the high risk OB department called it a preconception consult. But all I really wanted was to have another specialist look over all my medical records from pregnancy, to the birth/death of Kai and to my postpartum tests. I just wanted to know the reason why Kai died. Perhaps, we've missed something, anything at that time.

I imagine there would be a couple of tests to be done again, which is fine by me. I know there's a possibility that we'll never find out, that all these effort will yield nothing but my need to know is strong. It feels like I can't move forward without doing this step first. Whatever the outcome, something or nothing, I feel the need to do it. So I'll see how that goes.

For now, I'm taking January one day at a time. I'll deal with my wisdom teeth extraction first and then, I'll go from there.

(Thanks for the lovely comments about my blog makeover. Like Kai's corner IRL, I think his online space needed a bit of sprucing up as well. (^_~))